If someone doesn’t truly want to change, there is nothing you can do to change them.

If someone is stuck in a destructive pattern, there is nothing you can do to help them if they don’t really want help. Even if they “say” they want help.

If they are doing and saying the same things they were yesterday, last week, last month, last year; the situation will continue.

If you keep doing the same things, you can not expect different results.

If someone really wants to change, you will see and feel them change either step by step or with a giant leap. This will lead to change, and you can help.

If someone has proven over and over again that they don’t really want to change, don’t want to heal, don’t want a different life or situation, do not expect change, no matter what they “say.”

Let them sit in their own shit. There is nothing you can do to help someone who doesn’t truly want help. Pray.

If they are not making any effort at all to change, nothing you can do will change the situation. Pray.

Message from the Trees/Forest

January 8, 2023

While walking through the trees/forest, I noticed that the path used to be very defined, very clear. One defined path existed through the trees. Now after heavy winds, branches cover the path. It is no longer easy to see the one and only path. As I look around many options/choices appear to move through the trees/forest.

Understand, See, Choose a direction and know you can change your mind at ANY time and make a new choice.

CHOOSE – take a step and ten more steps will appear. Make another choice – take another step, more of the path will be shown.

You are always protected and Divinely directed.

I take Divinely inspired steps and trust there is a plan for my life more wonderous than I can ever know. Will you join me?

Pearls of Insight & Wisdom ~ January 17, 2021

Look forward

Past is Past, Leave it there

Forgiveness is Key

Love is All there is

Everything is Energy

Allow yourself and others to be Perfectly Imperfect

Offer Peace, Healing, Forgiveness and Compassion to yourself and others

Stand up for Yourself

Know your Worth

The greatest love you can give someone, is the freedom to do and be what they choose to do and be, WITHOUT ATTACHMENT.

Loving Me 10.24.20


Natural me.

Shining Brightly, nothing added.


I didn’t like this picture at first. Seeing the bare, real me under my glasses.

Try this exercise and see what you think of your real, natural self:

1)Take your picture.

2)Show it to a few positive someones close to you. Does their reaction surprise you?

3)Look at it every day for 5 days or more.

4)Do you like the picture more after that time has past?

5)What do you think now of your real, natural self?

6)Are you ready to share your picture?

So Much Love, Tammy Joyful

(Oh, I had colored my hair previously. The 6 inches from the top of my head is natural.)


One Year


My Dearest Jeff,

I can’t believe a year has passed. I miss you so much at times my heart breaks. I miss what could have been – not so much what was – especially at times. I will always Love you to the depths of my Being.


I sit here looking at your ashes

A life lived with passion

A life of Love and friendship

A life of Brilliance

A lose tongue

A short temper


I got to spend a few years with you. So much passion, so much emotion, so many ups and downs. You were my best friend. For only knowing each other for a short time, we knew each other so well. We fit perfectly together. Perfectly, Imperfect we said. I’ve healed so much of my pain of “loosing” you from this physical realm. I thought I was doing so well, then I reached another level of pain when this week came. One year since you left.

I’ve heard so many motorcycles drive by this past week or so – one so loud it woke me up one night 😊 I smile, I cry, I see you in my mind with that crazy helmet on, I laugh.


You Loved fiercely. You were so passionate about everything.

I Love you so desperately and I release you.

I Release  I Release  I Release

I release the pain and guilt and shame

I release your human physical presence

I know you are always with me and always will be


You helped me remember how to stand up for myself and be strong and courageous once again. You helped me find me, remember ME. Know my worth. I’m trying to move forward remembering these things you helped me remember and know. At times I am strong and courageous and ready for anything. At times I am brave and ask for what I need and want. I am growing and expanding and learning.


I Honor you

I Honor your Memory

I Honor us

I Honor our time together

I Honor me

I Thank you

I Appreciate you

I’ve Love you for a Thousand years

I’ll Love you for a Thousand more


I am now going to open my heart to another. I know you approve. I feel your push to Love again. Love more. To Love Life and Live it.

I believe you had a hand in bringing him into my life in some crazy way.

I welcome Harmony Sweets into my Life.

What can bring more Love and Life into my life than a puppy?


I welcome into my Life: Love, Peace, Joy, Passion, Excitement, Trust, Pride, Humor, Honesty, Acceptance, Respect, Beauty, Laughter and more

I Stand Tall and Proud of Who I Am ~ A Divine Being of Love, A Healer, A Wise Woman Sage, An Ancient one and so much more

Jeffrey Thomas Davis 10.7.1979 – 08.13.2019


Most people did not understand the intense Love that Jeff and I shared. I admit that we ourselves could not comprehend it most of the time. What I can say is that from the moment we met, our hearts and lives were drawn closer and closer together moment by moment, day by day, month by month, year by year. Magnetically drawn closer and closer together.

We were so similar in many ways and exact opposite in so many more ways. We met at work. And I remember someone saying in the breakroom, “You two are exactly opposite of each other.” During the time we knew each other on this earth plane, we talked or texted almost every day. Many times, for several hours. We started out as co-workers talking at work and eventually turned into Best Friends over time.

I was inexplicably drawn to this man. This amazing man that everyone either Loved or Loved to hate. Jeff was so very Passionate in everything he said and did. He gave everything 110%. He Always said what was on his mind NO MATTER what the consequences. This completely astonished me. He lived life to the fullest. His passion drove him to be the best he could be at everything. He Loved what he Loved and hated what he hated, and everyone knew what those things were! And he always dressed and looked SO sharp, didn’t he??!! And smelled amazing always. He shared REAL life with everyone he met. When you met Jeff Davis. You REMEMBERED Jeff Davis! When Jeff Davis met you, Jeff Davis REMEMBERED YOU! He remembered EVERYTHING and Everyone! He remembered the name and story of everyone he ever exchanged life with Always genuine and with No judgement. His Brilliant mind and memory were one of his greatest gifts and one of his greatest downfalls. Because you see, he killed a man in 2002. He never forgot every detail of what he recalled, and he never forgave himself. That memory tortured him Every day for the rest of his life. He did not intentionally kill this man, Mr. Sanchez, but to Jeffrey his actions were unforgivable. He knew Jesus forgave him; he still could not forgive himself. I wonder how different his life would have been were it not for that tragic evening of drinking and driving. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison for this tragedy and MARKED a felon for life. This MARK followed him and tormented him at every turn. The judgement he felt was immense and quite unbearable. Especially when looking for a job or promotion. That one night changed the trajectory of his whole life.

That Brilliant mind and memory of his also recorded every moment of his four and half years in prison (plus probation) Horrific events replayed over and over in his mind, mostly in the form of nightmares. The nightmares subsided a few years ago, the memories did not ever leave his mind.

The Love we shared was a Special Gift to both of us. Our Love healed us both in our own Unique ways. Our Love was a Beautiful Gift and also a great challenge for us both. Let Love be your compass through life. In truth, Love is All there is. Let that sink in and think about, meditate about that statement.

Love is All there is

Do you Believe that? How do you feel about that? Look within and Journal about that.

Our Love was deep. Our Love was magnetic. Our Love was “Perfectly Imperfect” just as we are. He called us Perfectly Imperfect a couple years ago and I love that description, so fitting. I wish everyone to experience the unconditional Love we developed over time for each other.

I was asked recently what I wanted to get out of our relationship. I had never contemplated that thought. I just followed my heart and God’s Guidance. I replied, “That is a good question. I cannot in anyway adequately explain this Love to you, so I am not even going to try.” It was my Honor to be a Special part of Jeff’s Life. Loving him as I said was a Beautiful Gift and a Great challenge as many well know. Our Journey together was not an easy one AND it was well worth it. Many ups and downs. A rollercoaster ride. It took quite a while for both of us to open our Broken Hearts to each other’s Love. Our Hearts were mended piece by piece over time. We had many challenges to overcome. Some we did. Some we were not able to or he would still be with us today.

Alcohol Addiction destroys lives.

Alcohol Addiction destroyed Jeff’s life.

While drinking, Dark thoughts clouded his mind and twisted his thoughts. What he would hear (or read in texts, etc.) was different that what was actually said. His altered mind added Negativity and Darkness to each comment he heard or read. Reasoning with him was just not possible.

His passion pared with the alcohol was a deadly combination. Many felt the wrath of the alcoholic. Many heard the pain of the alcoholic. I don’t think many really understood the depths of the pain and suffering he carried with him. Unfortunately, although he tried his best, he was not able to let this burden go. His Brilliant mind and memories were not able to release the demons that inhabited that steel vault. If he could have unlocked that vault and released those memories that haunted him daily, he may have had a good chance at Recovery. Unfortunately, that was not to be for him in this life. No matter how hard many of us tried and prayed for it to be so.

Today, I remembered a call Jeff got a few months ago, I heard every Beautiful word with the phone on speaker. A man called to thank Jeff for a conversation they had a few years ago. The conversation that man had with Jeff Davis changed the course of his life. That man stopped drinking, has a Loving marriage and Beautiful children. Because of a conversation with Jeff Davis! He called Jeff to thank him. Jeff had talked to him with No judgement whatsoever (as he did) encouraged him and left it at that. Today, I wished that alcoholic Jeff could have had a similar resulting conversation with Jeff Davis.

Jeff So LOVED to Encourage, assist, teach and help others. And others Loved to get his help. He was so fricken smart and good at what he did! He helped countless clients on the phone, countless people pass their financial licensing exams. The 7, 66 and CRPC were his specialty. I witnessed him and his Brilliant mind recall examples, give encouragement and advise over the phone many times. And he assisted countless more at work. This happened again just these past couple weeks. He came to life doing this. He Absolutely Adored getting the call for help and the call after the test saying, “I Passed!” and I couldn’t have done it without your encouragement and assistance! Or You helped me So much. Thank you.

I remember the first time I saw the notes he took studying for these exams; I was astonished at the detail and even color coding. He studied hard, not just to pass the test, he wanted to remember everything he learned. He worked Long and Hard taking those notes and shared them freely with many. I am sure they will be shared for many years to come.

He was Truly a Genuine, Intelligent, Brilliant, Amazing, Loving and Kind man with a Heart of Gold and a Passionate Streak like NO Other!

You will be missed by many Jeffrey Thomas Davis.

I Love You. Thank you for Loving me. I am So proud of you My Love.

“Well Done my good and faithful servant”


I implore everyone of you that reads this to remember everything you Loved about Jeff/Jeffrey. To be Honored to know him. To release any regret, you may have. He above all knew that we are all “Perfectly Imperfect” as he said.

He Loved every single one of you reading this! Even those he had been upset with recently. I cannot emphasize that enough “He LOVED every single one of you reading this!” He Loved with his Whole Beingness. From the depths of his Soul. Feel the Truth in this. Release any and ALL regret and pain. He reached out to many this past Saturday night, release all regret regarding this.

Remember his PASSION, his Laughter, his Jokes – ALL his Jokes 😉 and his Stories, EVERYTHING good or not so good. REMEMBER and feel his Love surround you.

He had trouble Loving his perceived “bad” side. Love ALL of HIM. Remember ALL aspects of Him. And in doing so Love and integrate ALL of you. Love yourself. Even the parts you feel are unworthy. They are the parts that need the Love the most.

Honor Jeff/Jeffrey’s life by Honoring and Loving your WHOLE self. Something he was not capable of doing this life. [Rest assured He is NOW]

He is FREE

He is Filled with PEACE

KNOW this to be TRUE.

Look for signs that he is around you. Know that he will touch each of your lives in a UNIQUE way. When he comes to mind KNOW it IS him. He will give you signs that only you will understand. Acknowledge his Spirit’s presence. Talk to him. Tell him how mad you are at him. Tell him how you Really feel. Feel it deeply and let the emotions flow.

Forgive him. He forgives and Loves all of you.

LOVE him. Love yourself. Love your family and friends AND perceived Enemies. Love as Jesus does.

For those of you who know my story. Release any sadness you feel for me “loosing him.” I am SO BLESSED and Honored to spend the time I did with Jeff. I would not give up a moment of our time together The Love. The Fun. The Passion. The tears. The anger. The frustration. ALL of it. Every single minute.

He came into my life so very unexpectedly. I had absolutely No intention of ever letting a man into my life ever again. Then he walked into the training room and my Whole World started to change. A spark ignited in my heart. He would not know any of this for almost a year. He woke me up when I didn’t even realize I was sleeping. He pushed every single one of my buttons and made me face my fears. Made me face all the Darkness within me that was buried. He helped me Love ME. Bring me into wholeness within Myself. Into Balance. I am Balanced now. We are Balanced Now. He forced me to face my co-dependency and eventually release it. He forced me to stand up for myself. A couple of years ago that was his goal for the year for me: to stand up for myself and see my own worth. Yes, he knew it would take a year or longer. I see my own worth now. I feel it now. I own who I am. I Love who I am. I stand firm in My Beliefs.

Thank you, Jeffrey Thomas Davis, for helping me find ME. We are ONE now my Love. I feel you and hear you and see you in my head, in the words I speak, in the words other speak. When I see PASSION in others, I feel your PASSION. In everything around me. Tears have been flowing constantly since you left this earth plane and as I write this. I Miss you So Deeply.

I will always cherish your last words to me “I want to be with you more than anything.”

This is part of my story

I am not comparing my story to anyone else’s story. It is my story. Not harder or easier or worse than anyone else’s story.

By my own hand. By my own volition. No one else to Blame. I have felt the Guilt and SHAME for many years. It has, my decisions have definitely affected my sexual relationships and in fact every relationship I’ve ever had or tried to have.

I am writing this as a result of reading Momma G’s Daily Dose of Relationship Advise facebook post. Click here to read it: Momma G’s Daily Dose of Relationship Advice facebook 

Totally different situation, totally different. I am not comparing situations at ALL. What I am saying is that her writing helped bring up my memories. I am able now to see my situation through more mature eyes.

My story starts at “Sweet 16” with two drunk teenagers in a car exploring each other’s bodies. Parking on the side of a road. I remember the exact place. A dark and quiet gravel country road. Teenagers going out. Teenagers “in love.” Teenagers making a choice while under the influence of alcohol. A choice that I believe has affected all of my relationships.

We did not plan to have sex. I did not want to have sex. I did not think about having sex or how to say no. Had I ever said no to anyone? Did I even know how to say no? I don’t know. I didn’t think about it. I just did it.

I was very powerful. I was very physically strong. Why didn’t I protect me? Why didn’t I say NO and mean it? “Just let me put it in.” I remember those words, his words. “Fine, just do it.” I remember those words, my angry words. Just like that my virginity gone. Just like that. No sacred Beautiful Union of two souls uniting. Just two bodies joined for the motion for moments. No feelings, No emotions, No romance. Just sex. No longer a virgin. No longer a proper Christian girl. Never to be “clean” again. AND it was MY FAULT. I was to Blame. My Guilt and SHAME to bear. Forever.

I made him happy. Or did I? I don’t even know. I was a people pleaser. I tried to make others happy. I remember part of a conversation we had the next day on the phone. I remember me saying “Then why did you do it?” I don’t remember what he said. I don’t remember what I said. I Do, however, remember how I felt.

We eventually broke up. I moved on. My virginity gone. No reason to hold myself Dear anymore. No reason to say No to anyone. As a matter of fact I became the pursuer, pushing and flirting until the one I had chosen and I left the party together.

Some close to me knew. Some close to me tried to help. Some close to me helped me get birth control. A doctor gave me free birth control for years so my parents wouldn’t find out. I counted how many guys I had slept with one time. Somewhere around 40. I can’t remember now.

I remember in college getting mail. Letters calling me a whore. A condom in one letter.  I was tough. I was strong. It didn’t bother me.

I did what I did when I wanted to do it with whom I wanted to do it.

I felt Ashamed. I have felt ASHAMED for almost 40 years. I did it all by my own hand. It was ALL My own fault. No one else to BLAME, just Me. My SHAME to bear alone. Each “Conquest” making me Stronger on the outside and weaker on the inside.

The day I wrote this an elderly man around 90 poked me in the stomach and said “I’d like to buy this one.” I had heard words to that effect from older men the whole of my teenage years. This time I stood in my Power and said “No” and walked away feeling EMPOWERED instead of owned.

I am writing this to selfishly help my own relationships. To continue processing my own stuff. To rid myself of that Guilt and Shame. In doing so I hope in some way this help others process their own stuff too.

I choose to Love Me! I choose to feel Beautiful! I choose to release all that guilt and shame I felt! I choose to Live a Life of Love! And as Gwen said, I choose to protect and love the little girl in me. Thank you Gwen for being Brave. Thank you for helping me be Brave. Thank you for choosing to Heal. Thank you for assisting me on my Healing Journey. My Inner child is feeling Loved today.

I am continuing on my Journey to Unconditional Love.

Further on my Journey toward Unconditional Love


It has taken me 3 years to release the extreme hurt, pain, anger, frustration and every other emotion to get to this place of Love.

My estranged husband, Dan, committed suicide 3 years ago. He was a Military Veteran of 26 years. After he retired from the military, he could not figure out how to be part of our family. Actually, he never could figure out how to be part of our family, the military was his first family. His father had also been in the military and was a Police Officer, so Dan’s whole life was spent in that strick, harsh military mentality. Love was not something he or his father knew how to give or receive.

Yesterday, his Birthday, I was able to forgive him for emotionally hurting me and his kids so deeply all the years we were married. To sing him Happy Birthday. To honor him for the years we spent together. For the Beautiful children we had together.
To tell him I Love him.

My journey toward Loving Unconditionally continues.

2017 A Year of Adventure


2017 A Year of Adventure!

What Adventures will you take in 2017?

Start thinking about what you’d Love to do in 2017. Where do you see yourself? What are you doing? How do you feel when you see yourself doing it?

I would like to inspire you to follow your dreams. Whether it be a Large dream or small dream. A dream to go somewhere. A dream to build a house. A dream to change yourself. A dream to change your life. A dream to help someone. A dream to change someone else’s life. Take a step toward it! One step toward an Adventure. One step toward a new career. One step toward a vacation at the beach. One step toward a Healthy you. One step toward a new relationship. One step toward Love.

Take an Adventure of Love! Allow God to Fill up your Heart with Love and spill that Love out to others. All others! Especially the ones you think don’t deserve Love. The ones you Judge. The ones you don’t want to see. The ones you don’t want to touch. The ones you don’t want to talk to. The ones you unfollow on facebook. The ones you’d rather just disappear. It has been said, It is easy to Love those that are Loveable. Choose to Love the UnLoveable too! God is LOVE. Let’s follow Jesus example and Love.

Dream of a World filled with Love. It is closer than you think.

Dream and Dream and keep Dreaming some more. Fill your whole Being with Love.

Send Love to the Beings on Earth

Send Love to Animals

Send Love to the Water

Send Love to the Leaders

Send Love to the Farmers and their crops

Send Love to Everyone and Everything on Earth

Keep Dreaming even in these times of unrest, uncertainty, unfamiliar. Keep your eyes on Love. Keep Love in your Heart no matter what happens in the world around you. Send Love to the Leaders of our Country and others. Pray for them.

Especially the President. Send Love to him daily. Pray for him daily.

Keep Dreaming no matter what happens in the world around you. Lift your Spirits no matter what happens in the world around you. Sing, Dance, do whatever you can to keep your Spirits high even when you are surrounded by a world filled with chaos.

God is Love.  Fill up with Love and spill it out to those around you. Smile at someone. Wink at someone. Hug someone. Say Hi to someone. Send someone a note and tell them how much you admire them or Love them or Care for them or Appreciate them. And watch the smiles on people’s faces. Spread A Smile!

Spread Smiles and Love all over the World.

Share what you have to Share!

Share Love. Share kind words. Share inspiration.

Share Abundance. Share Joy. Share Peace.

What Adventures will you take in 2017?

What will you Share in 2017? I challenge you to Share what you have to Share!

Share Love!


Blessed to Assist

October 12, 2016

Today I was Blessed to be a Blessing. Blessed to Assist an elderly woman on the side of the road. I went out today in the dense fog to check on a friend’s well-being.

fog-oct-2016On my way home, I saw an elderly woman on the other side of the road standing outside of her car looking around bewildered. I turned around at the next intersection to go back and see if I could assist her. The fog was so dense I could hardly see where her car was off the side of the road. It was even worse than the picture that was taken later on my way home.

When I pulled up behind her, she was in her car trying to get back onto the road. She saw me behind her and stopped. I went up to her car to see what was happening. She had a German accent. I just had realized I never asked her name! I asked her if she was OK. She said she did not know where she was. I asked her where she was going. She gave me the intersection near her home because she could not remember her address or even the street name of where she lived.  She was quite bewildered. I told her to follow me and I would take her to that intersection.

We started off and she indeed stayed right behind me.  We went a max of 40.  Much slower when coming up to an intersection because you could not see the traffic light until it was time to stop if it was red! I was VERY glad I had my “smart phone” because I could not tell where on the 24 we were. As we got closer to the turn, a man pulled in right behind me and in front of her. I slowed down so he would pass me and he would not. I finally pulled off the road to let him pass, so she would be able to follow me as I turned at the next intersection. Google maps guided us to the intersection she gave me. We stopped on the side of the road.I asked her about her address or the street name. She still did not remember. I asked about her registration or driver’s license. She was fairly confident she could get home from there so we parted ways. She said she would say a prayer for me. I also prayed for her to be guided home the rest of the way safely. I can’t believe I didn’t even ask her name…

The whole time I was thinking of my Mom who still drives at 89 (in a small town) and has some issues remembering. I thought about how grateful I would be for someone to help her if she needed it. I called my Mom when I got home. It was so good to hear her voice.

I am so glad that I was in the right place at the right time and was able to Assist the Woman getting home.